Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Out of whack

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)
When Uriah's not here, our world feels unbalanced and a bit disjointed.  It's like we're waiting for the fog to clear up so we can get back into our routine and go back to being a family.  I'll be the first to admit that even the slightest changes from my "normal" tend to throw me a bit.  And even though I've had a few days to prepare, I've been dreading today.

Of course Abby would need help with her math homework tonight (math = not my strong subject.).  Of course Finn would decide that tonight he really does want to be rocked until he falls all the way asleep, not just a little asleep...all the way.  It's as if they know Uriah's not here and so they are being extra needy.  My bed feels bigger.  And colder.  And lonelier.  Our house echos in ways I've never noticed before.  The locks on the doors can't be checked enough.  And all of the books I have on my nightstand feel spooky; as if I probably shouldn't read them on a night I'm sleeping by myself.

And the silly thing is...the thing I've been repeating to myself over and over today...is that it's for one night.  He'll be back tomorrow night!

Be that as it may, one night is hard for me.

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