**Note: After sitting on this for a day, I decided to go through and edit some of Uriah's more *ahem* colorful language. I realize that my husband was probably a sailor in another life time, and even though we had a full-on discussion/argument before I published this yesterday, I can't seem to reconcile myself with some of it (however if our son's first real sentence is laced with a multitude of cuss words, I may be forced to take firmer action.). So, since this is my blog, I fixed it a teeny-tiny little bit (basically, I removed most of the strong language, although some of it I did leave, because, well, that's Uriah.) and hopefully I will finally stop thinking about it. Seriously, it has been on my mind constantly. If you want to read the unabridged version, email me and I'll send you a copy. Okay. That's all I have to say on this subject. Other than...it's a damn fine post and the dinner was obnoxiously good and if you even think for a moment that putting your steak directly on the coals is a stupid idea, think again. Amazing. Life altering. And also, I only ate about half my steak, because let me just tell you, the points value of a 1-pound t-bone was outrageous and I cried a little bit because I couldn't eat the whole thing!
A week ago, my wife and I had a "discussion" about the time and effort it takes to post a blog, more specifically, a food blog. So, WE (her) agreed that this week, I would cook a meal, photograph it, and blog about it. So, here you are.....
HOW TO COOK A MAN MEAL AND SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR MAN (blog)
First, start with this.
Everyone needs a partner in crime. Mine knows no better. He also loves food. So, he's in. Then add:
3 years ago, they were giving this shit away. Now, it's $20+ a bottle. F me. But, we're going for overload of flavor. So buy it. Or another cheaper version. But totally MALBEC.
Now, the appetizer:
Take some mini sweet peppers, or Anaheim Chili's and stuff them with Cream Cheese, Shredded Cheese, and Garlic Powder. Then wrap them in bacon. YES, BACON. If meat had a flavored candy, it would be bacon. Then, add these-
Guys will eat veges. Especially grilled. Slice up the squashes, and the onion. (like this)
The toothpicks help hold the onion together and make for a clean presentation. Now, start the fires of hell.
This, ladies, is a charcoal chimney starter. Fill the bottom with a grocery bag, and the top with this:
For the love of GOD, use JUMBO LUMP CHARCOAL. Kingsford is nice, but it's made of the same stuff that spilled into the gulf. This is basically burnt wood, that will burn again, longer and hotter. USE IT.
Now, light the bottom of the charcoal chimney and let it burn for 25 minutes. It will take that long to get hot. While your waiting, have a glass of this.
Now, when ALL the lumps of charcoal are a sweet fine red, dump them in the grill. Wait 5 minutes, and add the bacon wrapped peppers, along the edges of the pile of coals. Bacon has fat, and fat catches fire if you put it directly over the flame. It should look similar to this:
After 10 or so minutes, add the veges. Directly over the flame is fine, just don't burn the crap out of them...
Once the peppers an veges are done, pull them off to the side, Now, here's where you freak out your family-
Put the Steaks on the coals. No Shit. Season however you want (and do it heavily to make a crust), but right on the coals. Your man will either:
1. Race to the grill to correct your stupidity.
2. Prepare himself for an evening of lying about how dinner was "ok".
3. Pray to God that there's a frozen pizza at the bottom of the chest freezer.
Tell him to calm down, you read this on a blog, and you obviously know what you're doing. 3-4 minutes each side for Medium Rare. Remove the steaks from the coals and dust off with a pastry brush to remove any coals or ash.When you're done, you should end up with this:
Salad my ass. With all these veges and a 1 pound t-bone, if you can successfully walk to bed after this dinner, consider yourself a winner.
Now please realize that this, is in fact, my first ever blog post. I thought it would be a damn fine idea to write about a meal that the majority of my 1st wife's followers could do, and while doing, scare the crap out of their significant other. I was born an instigator, continue to be so, and fingers crossed will die an instigator. So, get a grill, buy some jumbo lump charcoal, and make someone the best damn steak they've ever had, by freaking them out.
**Note: After sitting on this for a day, I decided to go through and edit some of Uriah's more *ahem* colorful language. I realize that my husband was probably a sailor in another life time, and even though we had a full-on discussion/argument before I published this yesterday, I can't seem to reconcile myself with some of it (however if our son's first real sentence is laced with a multitude of cuss words, I may be forced to take firmer action.). So, since this is my blog, I fixed it a teeny-tiny little bit (basically, I removed most of the strong language, although some of it I did leave, because, well, that's Uriah.) and hopefully I will finally stop thinking about it. Seriously, it has been on my mind constantly. If you want to read the unabridged version, email me and I'll send you a copy. Okay. That's all I have to say on this subject. Other than...it's a damn fine post and the dinner was obnoxiously good and if you even think for a moment that putting your steak directly on the coals is a stupid idea, think again. Amazing. Life altering. And also, I only ate about half my steak, because let me just tell you, the points value of a 1-pound t-bone was outrageous and I cried a little bit because I couldn't eat the whole thing!
A week ago, my wife and I had a "discussion" about the time and effort it takes to post a blog, more specifically, a food blog. So, WE (her) agreed that this week, I would cook a meal, photograph it, and blog about it. So, here you are.....
HOW TO COOK A MAN MEAL AND SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR MAN (blog)
First, start with this.
Everyone needs a partner in crime. Mine knows no better. He also loves food. So, he's in. Then add:
3 years ago, they were giving this shit away. Now, it's $20+ a bottle. F me. But, we're going for overload of flavor. So buy it. Or another cheaper version. But totally MALBEC.
Now, the appetizer:
Take some mini sweet peppers, or Anaheim Chili's and stuff them with Cream Cheese, Shredded Cheese, and Garlic Powder. Then wrap them in bacon. YES, BACON. If meat had a flavored candy, it would be bacon. Then, add these-
Guys will eat veges. Especially grilled. Slice up the squashes, and the onion. (like this)
The toothpicks help hold the onion together and make for a clean presentation. Now, start the fires of hell.
This, ladies, is a charcoal chimney starter. Fill the bottom with a grocery bag, and the top with this:
For the love of GOD, use JUMBO LUMP CHARCOAL. Kingsford is nice, but it's made of the same stuff that spilled into the gulf. This is basically burnt wood, that will burn again, longer and hotter. USE IT.
Now, light the bottom of the charcoal chimney and let it burn for 25 minutes. It will take that long to get hot. While your waiting, have a glass of this.
Now, when ALL the lumps of charcoal are a sweet fine red, dump them in the grill. Wait 5 minutes, and add the bacon wrapped peppers, along the edges of the pile of coals. Bacon has fat, and fat catches fire if you put it directly over the flame. It should look similar to this:
After 10 or so minutes, add the veges. Directly over the flame is fine, just don't burn the crap out of them...
Once the peppers an veges are done, pull them off to the side, Now, here's where you freak out your family-
Put the Steaks on the coals. No Shit. Season however you want (and do it heavily to make a crust), but right on the coals. Your man will either:
1. Race to the grill to correct your stupidity.
2. Prepare himself for an evening of lying about how dinner was "ok".
3. Pray to God that there's a frozen pizza at the bottom of the chest freezer.
Tell him to calm down, you read this on a blog, and you obviously know what you're doing. 3-4 minutes each side for Medium Rare. Remove the steaks from the coals and dust off with a pastry brush to remove any coals or ash.When you're done, you should end up with this:
Salad my ass. With all these veges and a 1 pound t-bone, if you can successfully walk to bed after this dinner, consider yourself a winner.
Now please realize that this, is in fact, my first ever blog post. I thought it would be a damn fine idea to write about a meal that the majority of my 1st wife's followers could do, and while doing, scare the crap out of their significant other. I was born an instigator, continue to be so, and fingers crossed will die an instigator. So, get a grill, buy some jumbo lump charcoal, and make someone the best damn steak they've ever had, by freaking them out.
Good reading and funny as hell. The food looks amazing! :) What time is supper?
ReplyDelete"I was born an instigator, continue to be so, and fingers crossed will die an instigator." - LOLOLOL... Heather, without meeting your dear Uriah, I do believe you have met your match :D...
ReplyDeleteAnd Heather, he's a chef (I think, or at least he was or something)... the language comes with the territory ;) I always chuckle a little when I see an open kitchen at a restaurant (I've worked at one). It's a lot harder to walk in the back sputtering and swearing when a customer has you pissed off - and the chef/cooks? How do they manage to keep it contained? ;)
Great post! My fav T.V. cook, Alton Brown, suggested this too. If I cooked with coals (yes, you can sigh, and write me off as a cook), I'd totally try it!